I haven't had a really good run in about two weeks, and I learned something this morning... in the game of upkeep, two weeks is too long of a break.
The run hurt. I couldn't breathe. The hills were a mess. My arms flailed. I had uneven breathing and couldn't get a good stride.
You see, I had put the big runs on the back burner with excuses: I'm packing. I worked late. I'm tired. I should spend time with people since I'm leaving.
Each are totally valid... but my knees don't take excuses. They say, "you haven't worked me for two weeks and now you want what?"
I want a big run, knees, I tell them. You've had lots of rest, now show me what you've been saving in energy.
And my knees laugh.
It's not funny, knees. Work with me.
If something was funny, it was my attitude before starting. I thought it would be a piece of cake! I forgot how I had shortened all the other runs. I didn't have the training. The build up was on the break down.
Well, as I was running I got to thinking how sometimes my conversations with God are a lot like my knee talk.
I want things to be "strong" when I haven't pushed limits to be stronger.
"Hey, God... I know I haven't been around much. No long no talk. Ummm... so, I've been meaning to ask... What did you do with my joy? Oh, yeah, and while you're reinstating that one, give me some warm fuzzies. I love those. Where'd they go anyway?"
When I don't connect, that Life goes away and the only thing left is words and rules. Boo.
I'm not saying God is a loan shark... like He's coming to make good on my failed bet where I put my eternal life on horse "Mama needs a new pair of shoes." God's not showing up on my doorstep with a crowbar threatening to flatten my face until I can pay back His gift.
I'm realllllly not saying that.
It's not that I have to get stronger in Him... it's that... He offered to change me and I accepted. He said His way is better, and I agreed. He said if I want a life of intrigue, confusion, compassion, excitement, heartache, with the knowledge that someday it would make sense, I should follow Him.
So, the fact that if I don't do those things... of course I'm not going to feel close to Him. Life from the inside looking out will just going to be a shell, because that's what I started with.
So, anyway... that's just what I was thinking about.
If I see you, ask me if I went running. And if I say no, look at me like I just ate your sandwich out of the office fridge or something.
I'm sure I'll make up some excuse. :)